I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
