I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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