every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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