i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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