I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
