Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
