90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
