Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So much rum. So many feels.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
