Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize