Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
