dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
