You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
