She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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