im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize