I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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