OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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