Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?