the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.