im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.