Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning