margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?