So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.