I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
