It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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