If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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