Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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