Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
