The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
