grandma shit on top of the toilet
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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