It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
