His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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