So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
