...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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