Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize