i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
