I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
