I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
