We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mom said you looked used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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