Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
