i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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