Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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