I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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