The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
