in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
