i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize