you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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