is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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