her vagine was all disorganized.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you win again, gameday.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
