Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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