Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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