This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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