you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
