Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
