my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
