Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
