I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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